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Whilst surfing the internet yesterday, I came across this (http://misstnking.com/2014/12/29/the-new-side-chick-i-was-her/) and it made me think. Both men and women are guilty of this crime, oh yes it is a crime but you may not really understand how so until you experience it. I stopped to think about why this happens, why would a man/woman ACT like they love you and want to be with you when they actually don’t?

I’m not the kind of woman who leads a man on, if I don’t like you that way, I ensure you get the memo. However, I can remember times where guys who were just my friends developed romantic feelings for me. Even though we were not dating and they knew we couldn’t, it seemed like we were. We spoke multiple times every day, at night, shared personal stories, saw each other as often as we could and sought each other’s opinion on almost everything.

I liked these guys, they were good friends and I enjoyed talking to them but the truth was that I didn’t like them ‘in that way’ and I didn’t act like I did, it was clear that we were just friends. Interestingly, some of these guys were in relationships and their babes perceived me as a threat where in all sincerity, I had given them no reason to be suspicious…..or so I thought. In truth, I had no designs on their men; 1) I did not have romantic inclinations towards these guys and 2) my values: I don’t sow those kinds of seed, once a guy is in a relationship, I consider him off limit.

In building and enjoying friendships, if there are no defined boundaries, certain lines tend to get blurry. Moment of truth? More often than not, when you talk to someone all the time and share your heart, you get attached, communication fuels relationships. If I hadn’t encouraged the keen communication, there probably wouldn’t have been any alarm raised. If those guys hadn’t given their women reasons to be concerned, they wouldn’t have been. I won’t lose sleep if women are after my man, he is awesome, women will come after him, that’s a given. I am liable to stare at the ceiling at night only when my man begins to give the said women untoward attention. If you are not in a relationship with someone and do not intend to be, you shouldn’t grow a deep bond with each other, especially the type that is meant for the ‘special one’.

This leads me to that all time question: Can a Man and Woman be Platonic Friends? Is it possible that a man and a woman be tight friends or best buddies and not catch feelings for each other? Would you be married and have a male/female bestie you are always talking to, who really gets you and yet no emotions are involved? Gaskiya, I do not have direct answers to these questions but I can provide some postulates about that other matter, you know the one on why folks claim to love when they really don’t:

1)     The Seeming Undecided: They like you but are not sure if you are ‘the one’. They say all the right things to keep you around because they don’t want to lose you but they won’t do what needs to be done to keep you. Whilst careful consideration is important, this should be done before expression of intentions/feelings. It is crass to foster hope where there is none. You are not a Yo-yo, take a walk and give him/her all the time to make a decision.

2)     The Clingy: They like you but just not in that way, they are not that into you. You have discussed it, he/she enjoys your presence but doesn’t want a relationship with you and yet won’t let you go. It’s ok to be friends but can you keep those emotions in check?

3)     The Needy: They can’t be alone, they don’t know how to be single so they look for fill-ins to occupy time and space. They clearly have no intention of loving you yet they create an illusion that they do. They waver on the borderline of commitment because they don’t want to be too entangled. When you ask about your future together, the excuses are countless. You satisfy an emotional void they have till they find what they actually want and bounce. Their motto is, ‘a bird in hand is worth two in the bush’ clearly forgetting that humans are not animals that can be treated without careful consideration. No one deserves to be a Fill-in; you are worth so much more.

4)     The Playas: They know what they want, it just happens to be a lot and you can’t give it all. There is something they are getting from you and as long as you keep giving it, they stick around. They seem to think they are on an overload of Smarties, so they dish out all the tricks and lies to keep you high and strung out till you realize you were placed on a pedestal. Do yourself a favour and make it easy for them, it’s ok to leave this type of ‘competition’ because the winners never actually get anything worthwhile.

Whilst some folks are plain schemers who like to eat their cake and have it, some others really have good intentions and honestly don’t understand the full import of their actions. Yes, unrequited love can be painful, almost like what you feel when a dislocated limb is popped back into place. Top that with the emotions that are aroused in you when you realize that your time and resources meant nothing and you were just a means to a different end.

Do you really want to put yourself through such an ordeal? It’s no wonder God has clearly instructed us to guard our hearts with ALL diligence, to keep those emotions in check, to have that ‘CLOSED’ sign up until those who deserve to come in show up. Do not give out your heart to a man/woman prematurely, you might want to know what God says about them and just how committed they are to you. When emotions are involved, it becomes a little bit difficult to smell the coffee, read the handwriting on the wall or even listen to voices of reason.

Mo’ Omoregee 2015

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